I have been with my bf for 18 months now, & like most girls have trouble with his mom ie, not good enough for him, using him, not the same person anymore now I met him etc etc. This has led to several rows with her (She feels like she can pick up the phone as she pleases & rants at me) - which of course I have ranted back - she however, did not like this & has banned me from the house, calling the house phone etc. This was at the end of April this year, I sent her a text msg saying I did not want the feud to go & she sent me alot of abuse back - she is 50!! - Im 27!!
Myself & bf are getting our own place in Nov - which I know she hates the thought of & has made it clear to my bf that she wont be coming round our new house as I will be there - suits me!! The fact that I have been banned from the house for 6 months makes it hard for me & my bf as we have to spend every night & wkend at my house - which I know she loves & expected us to fall out under the pressure. My bf has got to have operation on his spine in Oct which will mean he will be in hospital for 3/4 days'. Obviously I want to visit him but Im totally dreding going to see him as of course his whole family will be there who I have not spoken to or seen in a long time, I have a feeling that there will be a awful atmosphere whilst visiting him. Which is not fair. The hospital visiting times are 4-8 only, which means I have to be there when they are. I have called to see if they would do a afternoon session so I could avoid seeing her & even made arrangements at work to finish earl so I could do a afternoon visit. As the visiting time is not over till 8 * I dont drive I will have to catch 2 buses home as I dont drive which means I will not be home till after 9.30pm. My bf also will not be able to drive after his op but at the same time his mom will not allow me to visit him at home while he is recovering for 3 weeks!! - which I think is very unfair - her way of getting to me. I have talked to my bf about how hard it is for me to get to hospital & back & also the fact we wont see each other for 3 weeks until he can drive again & he just says we will sort something. My point is why isn't he trying to get these things sorted now before he goes in hospital?? I have spoke to him this morning & he said now I know how you feel I will do what I can.
I just dont feel like I can have a relationship like this, were getting our own house in Nov & starting a family in the New Year. Im starting to think do I want to with all this stress? I love xmas & I should be very excited this year as it will be the first one in our new home but have a grey cloud looming at the fact his mom will try & make him have dinner with her & split us up on xmas day or even worse she will want to come to our new house for a look round - only natural but I dont feel I want her there after the way she is being with me!!
Help :'(
Donedeal: - I agree 110% Im very tempted to say tonight that I wont be visiting him in hospital but then I will get talked about & dislike even more. He wont recover at mine while he is off due to the fact his mom is on half term the wk of his op so will be looking after him 110% - which I prefer.
If he does not sort something out in the run up to his operation that is satisfactory Im just not going to visit or see him the weeks he is recovering maybe the shock to the system he needs! - he has told me he will get a lift to MY house while he is recovering so we can least see each other which I think is unfair & silly.
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Is your bf the same age as you - 27? And he is STILL living at home and letting mommy call the shots?
I forsee years of problems if he doesn't step up now, and he shows no sign of doing so. Why should he? He still gets to sleep with you and keep mommy at home to look after him.
Look at independent arrangements if possible - maybe have him stay with you to recover? Or tell him you are not going to see him while he is at hospital and at home and see how he copes. As hard as it is for you, I bet he manages fine. If he doesn't like being apart from you, it might make him stand up to mommy and become an independant male with a life of his own.
If it doesn't... I'd be inclined to call it quits.
Good luck!
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