I was violently assaulted 6 years ago and for some reason I have just now in the last year or two have begun to develop the severe after affects. It was not the first time, but it was the most violent, brutal attack you can imagine and put me over the edge. I feel like a dirty pig. I have developed a fear of leaving the house. I cannot let my husband touch me. I do not look at my body anymore. I was sexually abused when I was 7 and then by boyfriends. After being abused at such a young age and then by guys I dated, i disrespected my body and was promiscuous a few times, so i feel gross about that now too. I just thought that since I got sexually abused so much that is how life was and/or is.I know not that is not true…does not change the past though. I am in a deep depression, feel suicidal at times. How can I get better. i do not want to lose my husband. How can I make him understand that at this point i am not ready for sex and need time to fix myself without him cheating on me? Vows say for better or worse, sickness and health and I am in the worse and sick right now. I have PTSD because of the abuses. It hurts me when he yells at me because i am not able to have sex right now. If he loved me enough he would give me some time to get better wouldn't he? Maybe even help me. 'Love is patient." Why do people forget these vows?That is why I ask, will I ever be able to enjoy sex again or want it? if he had penis cancer or something he would expect me to deal with it and be faithful or became impotent, he would expect me to be patient while he got better. i know i will never forget and i will always have flashbacks my whole life but I want those to become less frequent. They are everyday, every hour. I am on SSDI because of that assault. The PTSD has caused me to develop agoraphobia and panic attacks. My doc has indicated my fibromyalgia was most likely triggered from that rape as well. Has anyone been able to enjoy sex again or care about themselves again? I am at my wits end.
Well thanks to everyone. I do not know what 'eightieschic' point is though? I do not see how I am contradicting myself??? I don't think anything in my profile indicates I am wild and free? The occupations in my profile are all 'work at home' or jobs I got fired from in the last year or two because of PTSD? So that is no indication of a recovery! Contradictions? What may those be? Since this ID is 10 years old I guess I should update it so I am not CONTRADICTING.
No is the answer to the person who does not think my husband should wait forever you are right….that is why I am asking for opinions on what to do because I do not care about myself right now. I am thinking if his needs and maybe mine later.
Oh and thanks shane for the lengthy information. I appreciate the time it took for you to write it all. I am searching for a therapist now. I was actually seeing one and then he up and dumped me when I was starting to make progress for a job in another state…he gave me no warning. That really threw a cog in my therapy. I stuffed the memory away and he wanted me to open up about the assault and that is where I am stuck at now…..because he left without warning or a referral to someone else.